Steve McQueen and Bruce Lee Take a Drive.
(A short play based on a true story.)
by Ron Campbell
SETTING
Los Angeles, California.
August 9th, 1969. Evening.
(Most of the play takes place in a Porsche 911S)
CAST OF CHARACTERS
Steve McQueen.………Reluctant movie star. Sandy hair. Blue eyes. Taciturn at first, wry sense of humor. Loves to drive.
Bruce Lee………………Hong Kong film star working in American television. Asian, extremely fit. A compressed spring of energy. Wants everything that Steve has. Chinese accent.
It is August 9th, 1969. A warm, clear night in Los Angeles, California.
The Santana winds are blowing.
Steve McQueen is driving a 1969 Porsche 911S. He downshifts and pulls up to a driveway where Bruce Lee, who is living in James Coburn’s pool house in Benedict Canyon, is shadow boxing in his signature yellow jumpsuit. Steve cranks the window down as Bruce Lee sprints up to the drivers side, jogs along side as Steve rolls down the street.
STEVE
Hop in.
BRUCE
Are you trying to embarrass me, my friend? You drove all the way over here just to show off this car, didn’t you?
STEVE
I was in the neighborhood.
BRUCE
(Jogging along side the car.)
Steve McQueen, my friend. You live twenty miles North of Malibu. Nothing is in your neighborhood. Except sand. And long walks on the beach. Are you training? I ran 10 miles today before breakfast. I did 2 hours of speed training on a heavy bag and took a 15 minute break to write a poem. I lifted weights, did stretching, then meditation, then taught a class before my two hours of acting exercises that I do every day before lunch.
STEVE
(Bringing the car to a stop.)
Sounds like you’re keeping busy. Get in.
BRUCE
Thank you! (He comes around the car and gets into the passenger seat.) This is so …boss. You could never find a car like this in Hong Kong. Porsche is the number one. Look at these seats. The seat fits you like a glove on the hand. And when you are behind the wheel you are the number one. You can go slow… Or fast! Around corners… Or straight! The car moves- depending on the road you are driving. It is the perfect form. And yet it’s formless, shapeless. Like water, my friend.
STEVE
With a hell of an engine.
BRUCE
Of course. The engine of the Porsche. And the sound is very important. It purrs. Like a cat. First gear. (He makes a cat sound.) Second gear. (Makes a higher cat sound.) Third gear. (He makes an even higher cat sound)
STEVE
What did you want to see me about? I couldn’t quite make out your message.The tape on my phone machine didn’t rewind all the way. Maybe some sand got in there.
BRUCE
I wanted to tell you. I wanted you to hear it… From me. I’m doing a picture. With Mr. James Garner. We start on the lot at Paramount next week.
STEVE
Well that’s great, Bruce. I’m happy for you.
BRUCE
You’re not angry?
STEVE
Why would I be angry?
BRUCE
Because I am starting already my system. My plan to become the number one international action star in the world.
STEVE
And how’s that going?
BRUCE
Very well. I just wrapped the last episode of The Green Hornet.
STEVE
Last episode? What happened?
BRUCE
The studio’s not renewing. The TV Guide said the show was a failure because my performance was more exciting than the main character.
STEVE
They’re right. They should have called it “Kato”.
BRUCE
You are watching The Green Hornet?
STEVE
I think maybe when I was back with Sharon we caught the pilot.
BRUCE
It’s alright, my friend. Mr. James Garner admits he watches The Green Hornet. And he is a big star. Not as big as you, my friend. But big. In The Great Escape he was the main character. But you are the number one. You were more exciting than the main character. You were the cooler king. And you jumped the wire.
STEVE
(Downplaying it:) I guess I had my moments.
BRUCE
But my friend Jim Garner is still a big star. Did you see Grand Prix? Such a great movie! So realistic. That was real racing, yes? Bullitt was great of course. Number one. But I like real. Those trick cars, flying in the air. That is not for me. They tried to do that with me. Back in Hong Kong. All the Kung Fu directors were using wires. I said no. I don’t want to be flying in the air. I am not a bird. I am Bruce Lee. Bruce Lee’s Kung Fu is real. Real is best.
STEVE
We didn’t.
BRUCE
What?
STEVE
We didn’t use trick cars. Or wires. We used speed.
BRUCE
Oh come on. Now you are pulling my finger.
STEVE
I think you mean leg. And I’m not. The driving in Bullitt was real. And we got those cars to fly. I know. I was driving one of them.
BRUCE
You forget, my friend. I was born in San Francisco. I have been up and down those hills. This, for me, was not realistic. Also, in the chase scene you started in North Beach. Then suddenly you are in Vallejo. How did you do that? Oh yes. You had the flying cars. I understand now.
STEVE
(Laughing) I guess you got me there, Bruce.
BRUCE
That is why Grand Prix is such a great movie, yes? It is the real thing. You are still the number one. The cooler King. But my friend Jim Garner also great. And he comes to my dojo every week. For training. I have not seen you at our Saturday morning training. I miss you, my friend. I want to teach you more Jeet Kun Do. Where have you been?
STEVE
Racing.
BRUCE
Oh, where?
STEVE
Sebring. The 12 hour endurance race. I came in second.
BRUCE
Too bad. But you are still the number one international box office star. Besides, if you concern yourself with where you ended up you will lose sight of where you are going.
STEVE
Speaking of which, where are we going? I’m on my way to a party up at Polanski’s up on Ciello Drive.
BRUCE
Your old place?
STEVE
Sharon still lives up there. With Roman. They have these parties. They’re having one tonight.
BRUCE
And you are going? To a party with your ex who is now shacking up with Roman Polanski. My friend. this does not sound like a good decision to me. It can be dangerous to go backwards. Bruce Lee never goes backwards. Always forward I say. Consider the dragonfly, my friend. It never backs up. It has no… Reverse gear. Be the dragonfly, my friend.
STEVE
It’s not like that. Besides, Roman is out of town. Over in Europe writing a script.
BRUCE
So it is like the saying: you are the mouse, who, when the cat is away, must play with the cheese, yes?
STEVE
That’s not exactly how the saying goes.
BRUCE
Don’t worry, my friend. I understand. I know what it feels like to want something. To want something very badly. Empty your mind. Use your Power. You want to punch? Punch! You want to kick? Kick! Your body has control over your mind. Use it. Let’s drive over to the Valley.
STEVE
The Valley? Why?
BRUCE
I want you to see something. Something I have had my eye on. (He wags his eyebrows.)
STEVE
A chick? Bruce, you just had a baby. Don’t you think-
BRUCE
No, not a chick. Something better. Something cooler. A car.
STEVE
You want to drive over to the Valley to look at a car? What happened? You have another accident?
BRUCE
That was not an accident. That was a… fender bender.
STEVE
You totaled a perfectly good Plymouth Fury. In a parking lot. Bruce, you’re a true martial artist. Coburn and Kareem and Garner and I wouldn’t train with you if you weren’t. Your demonstrations are astounding. I still don’t get how you do that “one inch punch” deal. But you are one lousy driver.
BRUCE
Now you are pulling my finger.
STEVE
Your leg. And I’m not. I’m not pulling anything. That was what, the third car you’ve cracked up since I’ve known you.
BRUCE
We have a saying in the martial arts. “Fall down seven times, get up eight. The cars I have had were not the number one quality.
STEVE
That red 450 SL of yours had plenty of quality before you drove it into a tree.
BRUCE
But my next car will be different, my friend. It will go around the tree.
STEVE
A car is not a pair of nunchucks, Bruce. Make a mistake with a punch you get a black eye. Make a mistake with a fast car and it kills. Bruce. I’ve known a lot of great drivers. Some of the best. And a lot of them are dead now. Sometimes you don’t get seven chances. Some crashes you don’t get up from.
BRUCE
My friend. Are you using the …reverse psychology on me?
STEVE
The what?
BRUCE
The reverse psychology. I have heard of this. You are warning me of the danger. As if danger is something to be avoided. But the truth is, the reverse is true. You love this danger. So do I. We are brothers, my friend. This danger reminds us we’re alive. (He wags his finger at Steve.) You cannot use this reverse psychology on me.
STEVE
I just don’t want to read about you wrapped around a guard rail because you got behind the wheel of a car with more than just a couple of tigers in its tank.
BRUCE
That is not going to happen to me. My friend. I have decided. I told you, I am going to be the number one box office international action star. You will see. I train hard. I study acting every day. I will do all my own stunts. I will be like you. I will be “the man”. I will have ten thousand dollars in my pocket at all times. And I want- I need a car that goes with “the man”.
STEVE
Alright Bruce, what car goes with “the man”?
BRUCE
This car. The Porsche 911S. Moss green. Tan interior. Just like this one. There’s one waiting for me at the dealership in the Valley. And I just got the advance on the picture with Mr. James Garner. I have eighteen thousand dollars in my pocket. If we hurry you can drop me off at the dealership and make it to your party.
They drive in silence. Steve is the thinking. He turns the car suddenly.)
Where are you going?
STEVE
We’re getting off the freeway. I’ll take Moraga over to Mulholland Drive and take it over the hill. Avoid the traffic.
BRUCE
Good idea! I knew you would understand.
STEVE
Sure.
BRUCE
And we will be brothers, my friend. Twin brothers with twin Porsches.
STEVE
Sure.
BRUCE
I am glad we are doing this. I was going to ask Mr.James Garner to take me. He knows cars. He was in Grand Prix. Such a great movie, yes?
STEVE
Don’t know.
BRUCE
You don’t know?
STEVE
Haven’t seen it.
BRUCE
I don’t understand.
STEVE
I was supposed to play that part. I had problems with the director. They gave the part to Garner.
BRUCE
I see.
STEVE
No you don’t.
(Steve takes a hard right turn, at speed. It pulls Bruce over. He grips the door frame.)
Put on that belt.
(Bruce fastens his seat belt.)
Garner was my friend. He was supposed to look out for me. Back me up. That’s what friends do.That’s what I’m doing for you. Right now.
(Steve takes a hard left. The tires squeal. He’s picking up speed.)
BRUCE
Thank you, my friend. But there is no need to rush. The dealer said he would wait for me. He is big fan of The Green Hornet.
STEVE
But if you’re gonna get this car, you might as well know what it does.
BRUCE
I know it goes fast.
STEVE
Well there’s fast. And then there’s quick.
(Steve punches it. The G forces kick in. Big time. Bruce’s eyes go wide.).
You want realistic? How’s this for realistic.
BRUCE
Steve. It’s okay. You can slow down.
STEVE
I thought we liked danger. Isn’t that right my brother? I’m just reminding us we’re alive, right?
BRUCE
Yes my friend. But I want to stay that way. Please slow down.
STEVE
Not until you know what you’re getting into. That’s what friends are for.
BRUCE
Steve-
STEVE
Think of this as a test drive, Bruce. But I’m doing the driving. Now hang on.
BRUCE
Steve. I-
STEVE
You’re going to get a car like this, Bruce, you have to know what it can do. You have to know it’s limits. There’s an envelope. You should know how far you can push it.
(Steve narrates as he sends the Porsche at top speed through a hairpin corner on Mulholland Drive. Bruce’s knuckles are white. His face blanched. Perhaps for the first time in his life Bruce is not in control.)
Take this corner coming up for example. You don’t want to hard brake. So you double de-clutch from fourth to second. While the revs are high feather the brakes. Attack the corner, shave the apex. Straighten the corner- reduce skid. Don’t oversteer. At the exact top of the apex, slip your left foot off the brake as your heel taps the clutch. Meanwhile keep the rpm’s at five thousand, slap the gearbox into third, then fourth and come out of the corner like a slingshot. That’s how you take a corner.
BRUCE
Steve I don’t think-
STEVE
What’s the matter? You want to turn around?
BRUCE
Yes!
(The car is screaming around the corners now.)
STEVE
Alright. Let’s turn around. Here’s how a Porsche 911S turns around. Pay attention, Bruce. This is called a 180.
(Steve narrates the next maneuver while Bruce squirms in the passenger seat.)
STEVE
First, you need some speed before initiating the turn. Let’s say at least 90 mph or so. You need enough forward momentum to fully rotate the car. You may want to add steering input first, since there’s so much rotation necessary; in fact, the first step after lifting off the gas and depressing the clutch is pulling the handbrake—Lock the tires up, add in a fullish turn of the wheel. Once the car is well on its way to rotated, you drop the handbrake, let out the clutch, and get on the gas as you unwind the steering. Done.
BRUCE
McQueen- please!
STEVE
You want to see that one again? It’s a little dangerous- but we like danger, right? Reminds us we’re alive. Okay, here goes.
(Steve swings the car into another 180 spin, the other direction this time. Bruce is apoplectic.)
BRUCE
Stop! Please stop!
STEVE
Stop? But we haven’t got to my favorite part of this road. The rise at the top of Laurel Canyon. Watch this. They’ll be a test later.
(Steve bangs the car into sixth gear. Bruce howls in terror as his head is pressed backwards and the car hurtles towards a rise in the road.)
Look ma, no wires!
(Suddenly we are in SLOW MOTION. The car is flying through the air. Both Steve and Bruce are lifted from their seats in a moment of anti-gravity, suspended in mid-air by speed and inertia and physics.
BRUCE
We’re flying! We’re FLYING!
(And the car lands and we return to normal speed. Steve pulls the car into a vacant lot overlooking the glittering lights of the San Fernando Valley. He stops the car. Bruce quickly unbuckles his seatbelt and gets out. He is trembling, shaken.
McQueen! I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you!
STEVE
So you still want the car?
BRUCE
No! No I don’t want it. I don’t. McQueen, I respect you.You are number one. But why? why did you do that?
STEVE
That’s what friends are for. They back each other up. Keep them from making bad decisions. Dangerous decisions. Shall I take you back home?
BRUCE
NO! Thank you. I will walk.
STEVE
Suit yourself.
BRUCE
Besides, I thought you were going to that party. At Sharon Tate’s house.
STEVE
Naw, I think I’ll skip it. Probably a bad decision to go back there.
BRUCE
Remember the dragonfly, my friend.
STEVE
I will. See you at the dojo.
( They shake hands. Bruce bows. Steve gets back in the car. Starts to pull away.)
BRUCE
And Steve-
STEVE
What?
BRUCE
Thank you.
(Steve smiles, drives off. Bruce looks out over the city. He thinks about becoming the number one international action star. Does a Kung Fu move and a cat-like scream. Then he smiles quietly to himself.
BLACKOUT
END OF PLAY
The Detourist 