The Haunted Saxophone




The Haunted Saxophone


There’s a pawnshop in Tarzana

Called Thrifty Pawn & Loan.

And propped up in the window

Is a haunted saxophone.


The tag says “50 dollars-

A sweet and honeyed tone”

But fifty bucks ain’t all you pay

For the haunted saxophone.


She’s got a tone that’s like blue smoke

And her keys are black as crows.

How she wound up here for sale

Nobody knows.


So if you’re a cat who digs a puzzle

Try this one on for size:

Everyone who plays this horn



Fifty bucks seems like a bargain

Unless you count the curse

That’s made every cat who ever owned that brass

Take the short ride in a long hearse.


See if you track all the cats that played that axe

You’d see she’s a tender trap.

Because every one who ever blew that horn

Winds up taking the long dirt nap.


One jumped out a window.

And one, he O.D.’d.

One died on the bandstand

When he choked on the reed.


One was killed by a lover’s husband.

And one by his own wife.

One had his heart cut out

With a rusted butter knife.


One drowned in a puddle

In an alley behind a bar.

One died in his garage

Behind the wheel of a car.


One died much later.

One died too soon.

One got stabbed in the gut with a harpoon.


One hung himself with a necktie,

One from a chandelier.

One fed the fishes

When he took a stroll off a pier.


One checked himself in to a loony bin

To get his brain fried.

They say Lester Young played her once

The night before he died.


One rode the horse to Gonesville.

One walked into a train.

One just drank himself insane.


One died of complications

Resulting from a life of crime.

One was playing ‘Round Midnight

When the reaper dropped his dime.


One got a record deal

But was strangled in red tape.

One just leaked into the landscape.


“You don’t play that horn. That horn plays you.”

Said the one that had an embolism

Before his face turned blue.


One was struck by lightening

While playing in the rain.

One stepped off a balcony

And ten floors later was a stain.


One they didn’t know about

Until his hotel room began to stink.

But every cat that ever blew that axe

Is currently extinct.


The haunted saxophone is a bargain at fifty dollars

With her “sweet and honeyed tone”.

But you flirt with death

When you put your breath

Through a haunted Saxophone.




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